There's a Lot of Pressure Involved in Making a Diamond

Some days are diamonds, some days are coal. Smashed up, tiny bits of coal scattered throughout the house, ground in carpets, streaking walls, and smudged on faces, peppering hair. Okay, most days are coal, but some days I am able to pull off the SuperMom act and turn them into into diamond days. Those are the days when Jeff is able to come home at ten at night to a house that shows no evidence of the day’s events.

He doesn’t see the purple Scooby-Doo toothpaste smeared all over the bathroom counter and caulked into the door moulding. The soggy Froot Loops cemented on the sides of the breakfast table. Rectangular paint outlines on the table. The remains of a piece of paper cut down with safety scissors into its original 50 million molecules. The 100+ ballpoint X’s Hannah has drawn on her legs, belly, and lower back (???) in an effort to emulate her beautiful Fairytopia dolls.

He doesn’t know about The Great Toy Migration. When toys migrate, they do it en masse. Then they spread out, staking their claims to the farthest reaches of the house. Some venture outside to the Frontier. The smaller ones often don’t survive. They either become lost in the Jungle or are trampled out on the Great Plains.

Thanks to the foam padding covering their new T-ball bat, he won’t see the evidence on Hannah’s forehead of a bat being intentionally thrown at her head. Of course, Chris explained to me that he warned her it was heading her way as it was mid-air. I was not aware that there is an “it’s okay if I tell her it’s about to bean her” disclaimer. The more I think about it, the more I think he may just be trying to collect on the tooth she owes him.

On the diamond days, you’d never know that the boys can’t hit the inside of the toilet bowl with 100% accuracy. That Hannah’s hair has ever seen a single tangle. That somebody snuck ketchup into the playroom.

On the diamond days, not only have I showered, but my legs are not “spiky,” and I may even have on make-up. Instead of hidden by a bandana, my hair has been blown dry into a semblance of a style. These are the days I feel like an IncredibLee.

But there are some days I look around, and feel IncreduLous. Some days, rhinestones will do just fine.